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funny one liners
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries
Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I
Double your drive space - delete Windows!
"Very funny Scotty... now beam down my clothes"
Sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette
When there's a will, I want to be in it...
Few women admit their age... few men act theirs
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar
C program run... C program crash... C programmer quit
Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once...
It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature!
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in...
Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence...
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim
AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
Todays assembler command: EXOP Execute Operator
Programming is an art form that fights back
"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"
Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER
Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
Be nice to your kids... they'll choose your nursing home!
3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
The beatings will continue until morale improves
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem
Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me...
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms...
Help Wanted: Telepath... you know where to apply
Do witches run spell checkers?
Buy a Pentium Pro so you can reboot faster
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
My software never has bugs... it just develops random features
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
Definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in
Access Denied... nah nah na nah nah!
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
... File not found ... Should I fake it? (Y/N)
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting!
All computers wait at the same speed
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
"640K ought to be enough for anybody" - Bill Gates, 1981
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~"
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic